


Shared Grief

by GhostStone



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6889930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostStone/pseuds/GhostStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finding out that James Potter has lost his parents, Lily seeks to help him. They are not friends or enemies, but more than acquaintances. Sharing in the pain of loss, they finally find it within themselves to put their childish past behind them and begin moving towards becoming the loving couple so fondly remembered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Professor McGonagall caught Lily's arm right before she was about to enter the Great Hall, pulling her aside into an alcove. Her expression was grim and there seemed to be a tiredness hidden deeply in her eyes.

"Professor, what is it? What's wrong?" Lily asked immediately.

The professor's expression was even more stern than usual. "Miss Evans, I know that you and Mr. Potter often fight and argue-especially lately-and I stopped you to ask that you do not bother him." Lily watched her favorite teacher with a bit of anxiety growing within her stomach, forming an unpleasant pit as her mind sped into overdrive. McGonagall took a breath and gave a sad sigh before speaking softly."It will be all over the school by noon anyway, so I am going to tell you. His parents were killed this morning. Please give him space and peace to come to terms with what has happened" With that, Professor McGonagall released her arm and left her standing there, bewildered and deeply in contemplation on what she had been told.

After a few minutes, Lily left the alcove and walked into the Great Hall. She sat in her normal place at the table and played with her food, eating only several bites of toast before setting it down, not hungry. "Are you alright, Lily?" Alice asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. Just not hungry this morning is all." Alice nodded, accepting the excuse, but she looked unconvinced. Lily ate a bit more to appease her friend and then tried to push the matter from her mind. She had had only one truly civil conversation with James in the six years she had known him, and that was a year ago when it had seemed as if Remus were dying after a rough transformation when he had already been injured. Mostly they just argued and traded insults. Even if James still did occasionally ask her to Hogsmeade with him.

Lily's first class of the day was Double Charms. Her attention was far from the lesson being taught. "Miss Evans." Professor Flitwick called out over the class with disappointment. "What has gotten into you today? You have been ignoring me, staring out the window since before class even began, and I called your name four times before you responded."

"I am sorry, Professor, I meant no disrespect." Lily said quietly.

"Very well then. Would you mind practicing the charm? The incantation is _invisibilis magnus_. If you do it properly, the flower will not only become impossible to see, but also unable to be observed by any of the senses other than touch."

Lily took a deep breath to try and gather herself, but her eyes flicked once to James empty seat. Remus was watching her closely with a bit of concern. "Invisibilis magnus." She spoke twisting her wrist in what she believed to be the correct manner.

The flower turned to ice and then violently exploded, causing everyone near her to recoil and raise their arms, but Flitwick was not without skill as a champion dueler, and managed to throw up a quick shield to protect everyone. Lily flushed and then put her head down on her arms. Professor Flitwick put the class back to work and then walked over. "Miss Evans, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm sorry, professor. I don't know what happened. I've been a bit distracted all day."

He watched her for a minute before nodding. "Next time please do not attempt to cast a high-level charm without the proper preparation. The consequences may be more severe than they were today. It is obvious that you will glean nothing from this class today. You are dismissed. I do, however, expect a ten inch essay on the charm and also the dangers of doing magic with divided focus."

"Yes, sir." Lily gathered her book before she stood and left the classroom. She went to the library and was about to begin the essay for charms before she sighed and put the book down, resting her head on it. It was nearly dinnertime when Lily woke with a start, glancing at her watch with a groan. She had slept through History of Magic. It was granted that Professor Binns most likely did not note her absence, but she had still skipped a class.

Lily slid onto the bench and put quite a bit of food on her plate, hungry from missing lunch. After the hall started to clear for the evening as people finished, Lily slid over to sit across from Remus. "How is he?" she asked quietly.

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius beat him to it. "And why would you care, Evans? Want to kick him while he's down? It wouldn't surprise me, you _have_ done it before." Sirius stood and stormed out of the room.

Lily stared after him in shock and then turned to Remus. "What did he mean?"

Remus sighed. "James likes you, Lily. I mean _really_ likes you. He has opened himself completely to you more than once and you laugh at him. You have no idea how much that hurt him." Remus seemed to be fighting a battle within himself before giving in. "Did you know, in fifth year, that he cut?"

Lily shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.

"He did. I wouldn't be telling you this if half the school didn't already know. It got out because of the Quiddich showers. There was nothing any of us could do to make him stop or to find out what it was about. We were afraid that we would wake up one day and he would be dead. Eventually he confided in me what had happened. After James played that awful prank on Snape after O.W.L.S., you spoke to him. You told him that you hated him and that you wished he had never been born. He was struggling before that, but something about it made him gave up hope then. It took us almost six months to get him to stop hurting himself and act more like himself again. He does care, Lily, and what you say he takes to heart."

She couldn't stop a tear from escaping her eye. "I'm- That's-…" Lily looked down at her hands and bit her lip. "Where is he, Remus? I think I should go and see him."

Remus hesitated again, but after meeting her eyes he relented. "He is out sitting by the lake. I don't think he has moved all day. Sirius couldn't get him to respond, and he sent me away. Peter ended up in the Hospital Wing for trying to get James to eat something. Please be careful what you say to him."

She nodded and then left the Great Hall. Seeing a figure silhouetted against the water, Lily slowly walked over. It was James, drawing meaningless patterns in the sand with the tip of his wand, clearly oblivious to the girl standing behind him. After a brief moment of debating what to say, Lily sat beside him without a word, watching the setting sun reflect off of the still water.

Ten seconds passed, and then a minute. Half an hour was gone before James raised his head even slightly, not looking at her. "Go away." His voice was barely more than a whisper, but it spoke volumes of pain.

Lily looked at him as if judging his true feelings and made to move. She didn't miss the flash of disappointment and hurt that he showed for an instant. "I'm not going anywhere." Lily said quietly, slipping closer so that she could take his hand. "You don't have to hide it, James. I know how you feel."

James suddenly scowled and pushed her away, anger rising in his eyes. "How dare you pretend to know what I feel? Miss Lily Evans with her perfect world and perfect family. I thought maybe you came out here to be nice to me for once, but if you're just going to demean what I'm going through..." He huffed and turned his face away from her. "Why are you even here anyway?"

Lily knew he didn't mean what he said, and he didn't have any way of knowing, but she could not help the tears that began to leak down her cheeks. Once they had started she couldn't get them to stop. It was all Lily could do to keep herself together, and then when she no longer could, she stumbled to her feet and with a choked sob fled as fast as she could.

Startled, James Potter watched Lily flee. He had snapped, and what he had said clearly hurt her. He was sure he had heard her crying as she left, and everyone knew that Lily Evans _never_ cried, not in six years of Hogwarts had anyone seen her cry once. He got to his feet and stared off into the direction she had fled to before swearing and taking off after her. It was the Forbidden Forest.

"What have I done?" James whispered as he began to follow her trail.


	2. Chapter 2

James followed the zigzagging trail Lily had left with more than a bit of worry. She was unfamiliar with the forest and its dangers, and her path was leading her straight toward the acromantula colony. The one time that the Marauders had been unluchy enough to run across the spiders, before they knew to avoid that portion of the Forbidden Forest, there had been an incident in which they had been lucky to escape with their lives. Eventually the tracks ended, half a Quiddich field from the border of the acromantuals' territory and James found Lily collapsed against a tree, sobbing into her hands. He felt terrible, a pit forming in his stomach as he knew that he had been the one that caused her to become this miserable.

"Lily?" He asked quietly, moving to sit beside her on the ground, waiting. She didn't respond, but her shoulders tensed. "I'm sorry, Lily." He whispered sincerely, trying to get her to understand his regret.

After a time she lifted her face from her hands to look at him through red, tear-filled eyes. Lily stared for a minute and then sniffed, turning away as the tears began to track down her cheeks again. James transfigured a leaf into a handkerchief and handed it to her. "Thanks." She whispered hoarsely.

There was silence for a while, and then James spoke. "I didn't mean what I said. I promise. And I _am_ sorry." After watching his face for a minute, Lily bit her lip. He met her eyes, pressing. "What happened?"

She drew in a sharp breath and shook. "They're dead. My mum and dad, I mean." Her eyes became haunted and she crossed her arms across her chest, hugging herself as she began to rock. "Last summer they were in a car accident and my dad died instantly. My mum lived for a day in the hospital, and before she died too." Lily wiped her eyes and sniffed again. She fell silent and seemed to be finished, but even as James made to speak, she took a breath and continued. "I had nowhere to go. My grandparents weren't living except for my mum's dad, and he is in a nursing home. He doesn't even remember my name anymore, and my aunt is ill. I couldn't go to live with her. I should have lived with Petunia, but…" Lily broke off whatever she was about to say and started to cry again. James reached over and took her hand, waiting silently for her to be ready to continue. Lily wiped her eyes with the handkerchief and swallowed. "She hates me. She thinks I'm a… a freak and she hates magic too." Lily paused again, her voice becoming even quieter. James had to lean closer to catch the rest of what she was saying. "I live at an orphanage when I am not at Hogwarts." With the last being said, Lily lost the last of her composure and pulled her knees up against her, sobbing.

Unsure, James scooted closer and put his arm around her. She trembled and tried to pull away, but when James didn't let go she gave in and let him take her into his arms. He didn't speak for a long time as James held her.

"James?" She began hesitantly, looking up at him closely. "Are you alright?"

James squeezed his eyes shut and took a shuddering breath, his arms tightening around her involuntarily. He didn't answer and then began in a level, emotionless voice. "The Death Eaters attacked my parents while they were out shopping." He said quietly. He spoke flatly, as if he were telling of the misfortune of a stranger or a character in a novel he was reading, attempting to hold the pain at arms distance, avoiding the truth that he would never again see his parents, that they would never be there to see him graduate, to see him get married, to be a part of his life.

Lily waited and then spoke. "You can't pretend they aren't gone, James, I know better than anyone." He pushed her away from him, trying to block her words. "It hurts, James, I know it hurts, but you need to let go." His breathing was raged and his hands clenched at the ground painfully. Lily reached out to touch his cheek, catching the single tear that streaked down it. For a moment his expression became more cold and controlled as he tried to shut away his grief, but then it broke. A broken cry passed his lips and hot tears ran down his cheeks. Lily shifted returned to where she had been in his arms, wrapping her own arms around him as tightly as she could from where she was sitting.

She continued to hug him as he finally allowed himself to cry. Time became irrelevant as they took comfort in each other, knowing that the other could relate to them and shared the same pain. The only mark of the passing night was the arc of the half moon that followed its age-old journey across the starry sky. Every once in a while a noise from the forest would disrupt them, but not once did either give any inclination of moving, each lost in their own memories.

An hour before dawn, Lily still sat encircled in James' arms. He finally moved and looked down at her, slight confusion displayed in the small frown on his face. "Why'd you come, Lily? You've always hated me." Even as he said it, his expression closed off and he pushed her away, standing up.

Lily grabbed at his hand, but he stepped away from her. Lily sighed. "I don't hate you, James." He gave her a skeptical look. Lily looked out into the trees to avoid seeing him. "Not anymore." She relented. When he watched her, demanding for more, she took a breath. "Before this year I couldn't stand you, and you were an awful bully." He stared at his feet, stricken by the brutal honesty in her voice. "Something changed this year, I don't know what it was, but you haven't been like that, it was as if you were someone else. Last year I would have not believed you were capable of being kind, but…" Lily gave him a small smile. "I saw you helpnig the first year Slytherin girl last week with her homework in the library." She gave a nervous laugh. "I suppose what I mean to say is that you've changed."

He nodded, looking down. "What you said to me at King's Cross last year, that I was treating them exactly the way I accused them for treating others, finally got to me, I think." He yawned tiredly and looked at the lightening sky. "Wonderful example we'll set today, Head Boy and Girl sleeping through all of their classes."

Lily nodded. "I don't think anyone expects you to go." She said quietly.

James grimaced and looked away into the darkness of the forest. "If I don't go I will be alone. I know if I am I think to much. I want to be busy."

She didn't respond, but then her eyes darted around. "james, we're lost. It's the Forbidden Forest." Her voice grew anxious as her panic grew. "We spent all night here. Do you think they are already looking for us?"

Despite himself, a smile formed on James' lips. "Lily, calm down." Her head snepped around to stare at him. He took her hand reassuringly. "I know how to get out." She looked up at him, clinging to his words like a lifeline. She had never before been in the forest. "I know the Forbidden Forest like my own backyard. You have no idea how many times we have been in here."

James chuckled then at the look on Lily's face. It was torn halfway between disapproval and gratitude. She bit back any reprimands that she usually would have voiced and followed his lead into the winding darkness of the forest. As they left the last trees that made up the fringe, the sun was breaking over the horizon, red, orange, and yellow light reflecting off the mirrorlike surface.

"It's beautiful." Lily remarked quietly, observing the scene with amazement.

James nodded, still holding her hand. Lily stepped closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder, her side pressed closely against his, as they stood there in the brisk morning air, treasuring their last moment of the peaceful calm before they would reenter Hogwarts and become lost in the day to day chaos and noise. At last, as they turned toward the castle, Lily looked up to smile at James. "I'm glad you were there with me tonight."

James looked down to see her and squeezed her hand lightly. "Thank you for everything, Lily. Friends?"

A smile spread across her face and she nodded. "Friends.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be one more chapter to this, and it is already written so you can expect it to be up soon! Please let me know what you think. Thanks!


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